Back after a long hiatus

Hello all (all zero people who read this thing--but that's not really the point, is it?)

Anyhow, Dad is doing well; he's using the wand to communicate, and it works pretty well. It took me a while to figure out where the sound was inside the buzzing, but it's surprising how clear it is once I figured out the trick. It's kind of the auditory equivalent of staring at a 3D poster.

The computer was a giant hassle, mainly because pretty much everyone involved didn't understand the complexity of (a) putting together a purchase of this magnitude while entirely lacking any kind of agency in the process, and (b) my life at the time. It meant that there were all manner of passive-aggressive phone calls and conversations. Fortunately my Aunt D-- (who is the only one who really understands what's involved) jumped to my defense. She is a wonderful woman who will always have my eternal love and gratitude, not just for this, but for the innumerable times she has given her attention, support, friendship, and love (and also for being the mother to two of the most extraordinary people I've had the pleasure of knowing from birth to adulthood).

Dad's impatience led him to often declare that he would have rather paid for the damned thing himself had he known how long it would take (despite not really having the means to do so). I ended up recommending the MacBook Pro, and A--, a third-cousin-in-law (I think) who was the other technologically savvy person in the equation agreed, and, despite the significantly higher cost, we won the day.

Dad loves the Mac, and my worries that he would reject the unfamiliar interface out of hand turned out to be unfounded. V-- has communicated his delight by proxy, as the wand/phone thing doesn't work by a long shot. Now it's a matter of getting the wireless router set up and getting him online. Once that happens, I can get him onto StumbleUpon, which should keep us in touch, and onto an IM service (which I, too, will have to join (luckily, my new phone has IM interface capability)).

I'm planning to head up at some point to check it all out and see my dad--I have to admit that I've only visited a couple of times recently.

The doctor says that he's leaking, and thus unready to start eating food yet. I know it's driving him crazy, as it's now been crazy long since he's tasted anything at all. He's due for an oxygen tent session following a minor surgery in the hope that the healing process will work out a little better and allow him to swallow properly.

More updates forthcoming

Monday's visit

Spent the afternoon and early evening with dad and V--. I took an old version of Hoyle Casino up to him to provide some distraction. It was a little disconcerting when he told me that he has a lot of trouble getting into watching TV or movies or reading a book (he's historically very into both activities, and our conversation is often propped up by movie talk in the way that sports might serve for others). It might be that he has other things on his mind--he asked about some nonfiction (not one of his usual genres), and his tastes might simply be changing in light of his experiences.

I certainly saw some hints that the same guy is in there, though. He's still cranky, and communicating with him is like playing free-form charades with someone who can't hear very well (actually, that's not so much a simile as an entirely accurate description). The whole thing frustrates everyone involved, but him especially.

He was having bizarre computer-related problems that were resolved by hooking a traditional mouse up to the laptop, but he seems to be on board with the goal of getting him a more modern laptop (he handed me a list of specs). It doesn't actually seem all that demanding, and I'll be pricing everything for him this week.

inconsequential complications

Not much new to report. Dad's been in and out of the hospital a couple of times due to bizarre and relatively harmless complications related to getting food into his system. Like all the people on that side of my family, including myself, he has a very strong gag reflex (no jokes), and kept coughing up the tube they put down his nose. The doctor was shocked that he managed to cough the tube all the way up to his mouth instead of through the stoma.

He's really getting a lot of use out of the laptop--I think getting him a more permanent arrangement with wireless internet will be even better. I generally don't IM, but I guess I should get in the habit.

Progress Report

I went for my first post-op visit on Friday. The surprising thing about the whole thing is that he seems to be in better spirits than he usually is. He carries around a backpack that feeds him intravenously and pushes antibiotics. He can't talk, so he uses a laptop that my roommate S-- loaned to the cause. I have been knocked for a bit of a loop for this and other reasons. I'm not necessarily questioning the need for this project; it's just a weird curveball.

Anyhow, V-- is just as taken aback (in a good way), and we're both discussing ways to keep the ball rolling.

He was still getting used to the undersized keyboard (and this is a bit of a task given his relatively low frustration threshold), but he was able to communicate about it a bit. He said that seeing the ICU nurses operating so confidently with nothing but encouraging words gave him food for thought (the only food he's getting for a while). I'm starting to wonder if this whole thing was really about the best thing that could have happened, in a roundabout way.

About my father (and, by extension, me), part I

My relationship with my father is complicated and problematic--although I would venture that this is virtually synonymous with simply saying "I have a father." My parents divorced before I have any conscious memory, and that fact puts me in the role of being a little weirded out by the thought of my parents as a couple. My dad wasn't really ready to deal with anything but minimal custody arrangements--he had oats to sow, and absolutely no clue about what one might do on when a two-to-five-year-old child visits for the weekend. We would watch movies and hang out in his series of bachelor pads (not the pimped-out kind, but rather the cinderblock-bookshelves-and-eating-ramen-noodles-over-the-coffee-table kind); girlfriends would come and go, usually only manifesting as only a vague presence on the edge of my awareness. In my preteen years, my dad met V--(I'm going to use the old 19th-century naming convention for the time being), who is still with him, although they are not officially married. While there is some friction with the family at large, she's been one of the most positive influences on his life and on his relationship with me (there are exceptions, but nothing that I haven't come to terms with).

Anyhow, there's certainly a lot more to this whole thing, and the pre-me history will be forthcoming at some point, as well as an airing of grievances and sundry other concerns, but the general focus of this effort will be on the day-to-day side of everything.